Getting sick this last time was, lets say, life changing. In one month or so, my lung function dropped 15%. The last thursday I posted was the worse I had ever been. I was short of breath the moment I would get up to walk 10ft. I had been staying in bed all day. I would walk down my stairs to the kitchen to get food dreading to have to try and make my body to walk back up the stairs, because I knew by the time I got to the top, I would be hacking/coughing, racing to get to my bed and trying to catch any breath I could. Luckily my momma came down that day, otherwise that night would've been difficult to get through by my self. I couldn't breathe. If I had gotten worse my mom said she was going to take me to the emergency room.
The next morning, we drove to Stanford. I walked into my appointment by myself while my mom parked the car. This was my first time at the adult clinic side of Stanford. I was called to my room and the moment I walked in the lady was waiting for me to blow into the gun, that would spit back numbers that would cause me to come to realization. This was my worse PFT (pulmonary function test) ever; an FEV1 of 41%. Waiting for my mom I held back the tears that I ended up bursting out the second she walked into my room. I knew I was not going to have good numbers, but these were lower than I expected or wanted to accept.
All of this scared me. Things had to change, starting with being admitted into the hospital. This meant I couldn't finish out my semester at Sonoma State. It was one of the hardest decisions, because I didn't want to be a failure or fail at anything. From this point I also realized that my body is unpredictable and that I cant push it so much. Realizing this meant, my body can not handle the job of being a nurse. I hate that I can't become what I have a passion for and what I've wanted to be for such a long time. Not knowing what I was going to do next with my life made me feel confused. What would I do?
Everyone told me that I don't have to do anything; that having CF is a full time job itself. Which is true, having CF is a job and my life first before anything else. I still want to be something other than that though. I want to still be involved in the medical; I can't imagine not being in the medical field somehow. I needed to find something that wouldn't put stress on my body. So, I have decided to become a dietician and then minor in health management. It should be interesting...hopefully.
Since I've been out of the hospital, I've been resting back at home, in Redding. I needed this. I must say it has been a little on the boring side but oh well. Soon, in less than one week, I will be moving! I'm moving down south to Chowchilla. I'll be decreasing my load of school in the fall and only be going part-time in Fresno. I decided that its not worth the rush to get sick again. I'll work a little over the summer for some cash, but my focus this summer is to start some cardio and increase my numbers so I can make it through another semester.
To end this, thank you to everyone who has helped and been there for me the past month (Mom, Coleman, Dad, Jeff, Jesse, Kelsey, Olivia, Alyssa, Chelsa and everyone else.) You all mean the world to me and always will. You help me push through that bad times so I can have the best moments in the world with all of you! I love you all with every beat of my heart <3