My body craves sleep. It craves to eat, and consume what my body will allow. It craves medications, nebulizers, vest treatments, and antibiotics. It craves to once dance like it use to be able to, to show emotions through movements. It craves love, salt, laughter, to breathe, to be free. Free to be. This is what I want and will always want; a cure. No cure means, no we can't fix you. We can try to push it back but no it won't go away. I know eventually that CF will overcome my lungs and continues to try and make me weak. The idea of this, is harsh. It's my reality that I know of but I choose to fight against. When I think about the fact that this disease is going to shorten my time here, it does make me sad. Sad, because I don't want to miss anything. I've talked to other CFer's about this too. When most people in life don't want to get old, I do. I want to be able to get married, start a perfect family, have kids, watch them grow up, graduate. I want to be a grammy one day. I want to be able to have grandkids and love them, like my grammy does. I want the simple things out of life. It's not the fear of dying. It's the fear of dying and missing out on being an impact.
Whenever I think about this it makes me want to do everything. Makes me want to race around. Maybe that's why I tell myself to dream big, so I push myself.