Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Short and Sweet

My body craves sleep. It craves to eat, and consume what my body will allow. It craves medications, nebulizers, vest treatments, and antibiotics. It craves to once dance like it use to be able to, to show emotions through movements. It craves love, salt, laughter, to breathe, to be free. Free to be. This is what I want and will always want; a cure. No cure means, no we can't fix you. We can try to push it back but no it won't go away. I know eventually that CF will overcome my lungs and continues to try and make me weak. The idea of this, is harsh. It's my reality that I know of but I choose to fight against. When I think about the fact that this disease is going to shorten my time here, it does make me sad. Sad, because I don't want to miss anything. I've talked to other CFer's about this too. When most people in life don't want to get old, I do. I want to be able to get married, start a perfect family, have kids, watch them grow up, graduate. I want to be a grammy one day. I want to be able to have grandkids and love them, like my grammy does. I want the simple things out of life. It's not the fear of dying. It's the fear of dying and missing out on being an impact.

Whenever I think about this it makes me want to do everything. Makes me want to race around. Maybe that's why I tell myself to dream big, so I push myself.



  1. We are all here for an undetermined amount of time. Some who are healthy..physically, fiscally, mentally...they waste their days wondering "why me?"

    You - and many others like you - live each day the best you can and appreciate the moments others miss. Dreaming big is a wonderful gift. Never lose that.

    Great post, Briauna

  2. Keep reading his word and your heart will be glad and your tongue will rejoice and your body will rest secure. DREAM BIG and PRAY HARD he is our dad and wants to here your dreams. With him all this is possable !!!

  3. I know how you feel, I have a lot of these feelings! But I know you can get married and maybe even have kids, I did! And even if you don't grow old enough to watch them graduate, get married and become a grammy, the impact you have on their life and the impact they will have on yours is enough to make it worth it! Dream big and go for it!